Is Winning at all costs the Answer? What Lessons are learned from Sports?
In today’s youth sports, stretching from little leagues to high school athletics, a recurring question lingers: Is winning really the most important outcome? At every game, tournament, and practice, the pressure to win seems to overshadow the deeper purpose of youth sports—growth, learning, development, and ultimately FUN!
I have four boys. All of which play sports. Three boys playing are ages 14, 12, and 10. I still coach their football teams but sit back and watch them play their other sports.
The Obsession with Winning
Why do so many coaches focus solely on winning? Coaches are typically volunteers and they are not looking to coach pro ball or
secure a contract. Winning seems to be the metric they and other parents measure success on. I see coaches build top “super teams,” where top players are recruited, and the emphasis is on dominance. I feel this is bad on a couple levels. One: Local teams are not on the same skill level, so games often are lopsided and not competitive. This is bad for both teams. Second: I see when these teams do play equal to better competition they have a hard time competing. Often kids who usually are dominating are now complaining and at times crying. They are not used to losing so it becomes a chaotic situation. A disaster for the team and their parents- chaos ensues. Parents yell from the stands, players blame the referees, and the game becomes more about drama than discipline. Is this really what kids should be learning?
Winning is fun. It feels good. But when teams win by five touchdowns or crush teams, what are we truly learning? It’s the tough losses—the nail-biters, the games where effort came up just short—that hold the most powerful lessons.
Losses reveal character. They teach resilience. When you compete at your highest level and still come up short, you’re faced with a choice: make excuses or work harder. You can’t always control the outcome, but you can control your response. You can look at what went wrong, own it, and get better.
These moments—far more than blowouts—teach players to be honest about their performance, to be better teammates, and to grow as individuals. In both sports and life, things won’t always go your way. Learning how to deal with failure and disappointment is one of the greatest lessons sports can teach.
Coaching youth sports is a unique challenge. It’s easy to get caught up in wins and standings. But if winning becomes the only goal, we lose sight of the bigger picture: player development, opportunity, and joy in the game.
As a coach in youth, junior high, and high school levels, I’ve seen more good come from hard-fought losses than from undefeated
seasons. I’d rather go 0-10 with competitive, exciting games than coast through an undefeated season of one-sided victories. I was a part of some really fun games that we lost but were competitive and challenging. These are the best games.
My philosophy has always been simple: compete, play hard, and have fun. Winning will come more often than not. As a coach in football if you are not worried about winning you coach much different. More kids get opportunities, you throw the ball more, you call trick plays in big moments, you don’t punt, and you have FUN!
This mindset frees you. It allows you to coach without fear of losing. It lets you take more risks not worrying about the results. Some plays work. Some don’t. You just keep moving and keep more kids engaged wanting to participate. I understand at the High school level things get a slightly more serious trying to win in the playoffs, but the road traveled is still the same. It is a coaching mind set that allows you to be better than most because at the end of the day it is a game. Games are fun so coach and have fun!
I feel like fun has been taken out of sports for kids. Too much pressure to win. I see kids looking at their dad in the stands after a mistake, kids throwing hands up at refs, and embarrassing parents all wanting to win. Sports should be fun and about building friendships and the best people. Wins and losses fade over time, but the lessons learned on the field—about effort, teamwork, resilience, and integrity—last a lifetime.
If you coach, go out and coach and have fun. Throw that double pass. Go for it on Fourth down. Call that play you think might work but might be a disaster! At the end of the game regardless of the outcome realize the sun will come up tomorrow and the loss is not a big deal at all. Matter of fact that loss may just be the best thing that happened to your team all season.
